Emily: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?
Lorelai: Uh, ‘cause I feel stupid doing it at home?
Emily: I’m sorry I’m late, there was a little traffic on the way. Perhaps had I been on time, there would still be the possibility of soup.
Lorelai: I haven’t been here that long. See, I still have a knife.
(from "Haunted Leg")

Lorelai: Ah, things happen for a reason.
Rory: Since when is that your philosophy?
Lorelai: Since now. By the way, I’m also a communist.
Rory: Really?
Lorelai: Yes, ‘cause I look damn good in red.
(From "Haunted Leg")

Lane: Good distraction. Still thinking. . .thinking about world events, lots going on there. Thinking about the last movie I saw. Vin Diesel was in it. Thinking about Vin Diesel now. Thinking about where Vin Diesel got the name Vin Diesel. Thinking about Vin Diesel's mysterious ethnicity. Thinking about how surprising it is to have so much to think about with Vin Diesel. Who knew, who knew? Okay, now I'm just thinking about the pain, we’re into pain here.
Rory: Back to Vin Diesel.
Lane: I’ve exhausted Vin Diesel, but the pain – that’s not exhausted!
Rory: What kind of pain is it?
Lane: Ever light your head on fire? I haven’t, but I don’t have to now ‘cause I know how it feels.
(From "One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes")

Lane: And then once we have a set, we’ll get a gig, and then once we get a gig, we’ll get a record deal.
Lorelai: Swallow.
Lane: And then after we get a record deal, we’ll get really famous and then we’ll have to give all of these interviews about how horrible it is to be really famous and how we never wanted this in the first place, all we care about is the music, and fame is gonna tear us apart. It’s gonna be great!
(From "One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes")

Luke: Shouldn’t we give thanks first?
Jess: Thanks for what?
Luke: Well, that we’re not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
(From "A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving")

Luke: Stop bringing me flowers.
Lorelai: Stop bringing me flowers. I knew you were gonna say that because you say the same thing. We have this same exact conversation every year.
Luke: And every year you point that out.
Lorelai: And every year you point that out.
Luke: And every year you point that out.
Rory: And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
Lorelai: Well, at least we have a tradition.
(From "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving")

Rory: I learned my seven continents on Hug-a-World, don’t you remember? We used to squeeze it as tight as we could and then wherever our pinkies would end up, that’s where we were going to go together when I grew up.
Lorelai: Yes, many a trip to Uzbekistan was planned that way.
(From "Lorelai Out of Water")

Louise: I don’t know what to do. It’s time to break up, but he seems so happy.
Madeline: You could date his brother.
Louise: I guess, but that’s so ‘been there, done that.’
Madeline: We could switch.
Louise: Isn’t that how I got him?
Madeline: Oh yeah. Wow, it really is time to go to college.
(From "Lorelai Out of Water")

Rory: Hanging out with Jess for most of the day, studying at night.
Lorelai: Cool. Alex and I are having dinner tomorrow night.
Rory: Good. That’ll make it nice and quiet for when I study.
Lorelai: I’m that loud?
Rory: You are when you dance around singing ‘Rory’s Studying’ songs.
(From "Swan Song")

Zach: But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs?
Lorelai: Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Dave’s name – Dave – you’ve got the last two letters in love. V, E. And with Lane’s name, you have the L. You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go.
[Pause]
Zach: Makes sense.
(From "Swan Song")

Lorelai: Hug-a-World would like to see the world.
Rory: It’s moving.
Lorelai: There’s something living there besides Canadians.
Rory: I hugged it, I hugged it really tight.
Lorelai: Yes, you did.
Rory: I have to shower! [runs away]
(From "Lorelai Out of Water")

Kirk: Everybody is always telling me what to do. Everybody else is always right. Well, I’m sorry, but I am the mail carrier in this town and I will carry the mail the way that I carry the mail, and if you don’t like that, then you can carry the mail. But you’ll have to apply for the job first and get hired. And there’s a test, and it is a hard test, my friend. Ow, paper cut.
(From "The Big One")

Rory: I’m coming back over there right now.
Lorelai: Yes, and then you are going to get very sick and be unable to feed yourself so that Mommy will need to take you home and stay by your side until the Doose reunion is over.
Rory: Okay.
Lorelai: Okay. Say goodbye to Jess.
Rory: Bye Jess.
Jess: I’ll call you later.
Lorelai: Oh, limp a little if you can.
Rory: Uh, what malady do I have that makes me limp and lose ability to feed myself?
Lorelai: It’s French.
(From "Face-Off")

Lorelai: But you’re eating small bites very fast. You’ve gotta eat bigger bites at a normal speed.
Rory: You mean I should risk choking so we can make our Friday night plans?
Lorelai: Exactly.
(From "Face-Off")

Rory: It’s me. I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you’ll call, okay? I’m not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean, a real plan with a time and a place, and I’m tired of hearing ‘Let’s hook up later.’ What does that mean anyway? What’s later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn’t cut it anymore, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled. But guess what? I like being spoiled. I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then fine. I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you’ll call, but it’s not going to be me. Oh, yeah, this is a message for Jess.
(From "Face-Off")

Jimmy: Are you listening? I have nothing to offer you, nothing!
Jess: You have nothing? I have nothing!
(From "Here Comes the Son")

Rory: It's a Friday night. We should be out, I don't know, partying with the homies.
Lorelai: Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now.
(From "Keg! Max!")

Zach: "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is memorable and classy.
Brian: I run out of breath every time I say it.
Zach: You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.
Dave: Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.
Brian: Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is too long.
Zach: Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.
(From "Keg! Max!")

Lorelai: If I knew where Max was on all this, I would know better where I was. It's like when you go to a steak and lobster place, it's easier to know what you want once you know what your date wants. Like, you want steak if he's getting lobster, 'cause then you can share. Or if he's not, you can get surf and turf, though you risk looking like a pig, but some guys aren't turned on by a big appetite, and now I'm not just confused, I'm massively hungry.
(From "Keg! Max!")

Rory: Mom touched the Pope.
Babette: You're kidding!
Lorelai: Actually, I just touched his car. Then one of the Swiss guards in the fruity cool clothing busted
me.
Rory: Luckily, Mom's fluent in flirting.
Lorelai: And flirting with a guy in a pompom hat and a skirt is quite an accomplishment.

Lorelai: Pizza at John's. Um, Sunday, pick up all the stuff you need for school, and then there's a
barbecue at Sookie's. Monday is mani/pedi, facial, haircut, go to the psychic, and stock up for Tuesday, the
day of all days - Godfather I, II, and III, with extra showings of the Sofia death scene over and over as
long as the Mallomars hold out.
Rory: The perfect day!
Lorelai: I agree.

*I get all of my quotes from the transcripts at www.gilmore-girls.net*

Excerpts from Season 3 (Longer than Quotes)

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